The Best Of Sickipedia: A Collection Of The Sickest, Most Offensive and Politically Incorrect Jokes

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I’m trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot. That's awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff. The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house's Cellar As a teenager I was confused that there was lots of different words for ‘sex’. I thought each of the words for ‘sex’ meant something distinct. I thought there were many more different kinds of sex things that I was going to have to get my head around before I became an adult. But then I realised that most of them referred to the same sort of basic penis penetration stuff. And that’s how I came to understand the richness of the English language.” – David Mitchell When I was a teenager, I used to pray every night that the girl next door would fancy me so that I could make love to her.

Several food jokes, and few more

If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?” – Billy Connolly After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead. The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. I’m 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. Sex with me these days is akin to thumbing marshmallows into the anus of a cat.” – Greg Davies Sheila turns around with tears welling up in her eyes. "Bruce, honey! You got me pregnant. I don't want to be a burden, so I'm just gonna kill myself!" Sex is like playing Bridge – if you don’t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.” – Peter Kay

A spa hotel? It’s like a normal hotel, only in reception there’s a picture of a pebble.” – Rhod Gilbert Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person Fun - Annoying New Age - Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded - Desperate Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing Passionate - Sloppy drunk Professional - Bitch Voluptuous - Very Fat Large frame - Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate - Stalker I was watching the God channel with my disabled little sister the other day. After around thirty minutes, she rose from her wheelchair and walked across the room.My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.” And some jokes for the kids One day, a little girl and her mother were shopping and the little girl asked her mother, "Mummy, how old are you?" People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you from seeing the television properly.” – Victoria Wood